My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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