Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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