hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
