last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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