Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
