Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
