i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
