So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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