I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
