can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
