I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
