and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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