her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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