I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
