I'm so fucking centered right now
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
