She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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