I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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