a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I FOUND THE LEGS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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