Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
