The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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