I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
