So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't deserve a penis
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
