Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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