i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
