youre lurking in front of me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
