the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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