Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
