I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
