was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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