Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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