why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
