Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i think im in europe. pls send help
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
