Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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