bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
