so that wasnt chicken after all
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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