She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
