ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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