i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
