A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
