It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you would pick up someone in the library
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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