There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
