The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
