Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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