you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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