Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
