Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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