I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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