She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
