My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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