Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
