I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
