Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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