Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
