After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
