Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
