Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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