my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Omg I joined a choir last night...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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