apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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