This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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