Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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