Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
