I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
