some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
