last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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