I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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