it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
