Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
