just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We need to rekindle our bromance
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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