I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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