Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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