I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
