I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
