***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
