Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
